


One Good Thing

by DoctorBane



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorBane/pseuds/DoctorBane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank Burns contemplates his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Good Thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Larry Linville](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Larry+Linville).



> In memorium of Larry Linville (1939-2000.)

Everything was going wrong for Frank Burns. His marriage was going to Hell; his relationship with Margaret was over thanks to that Penobsnot, and absolutely everyone at the 4077th hated him. Everyone had always hated him. Even his own family hated him. Except his mother, and even then that was on days when she wasn’t too wacko. He had never had friends at school-except the janitor. All the other students at school were always taking the piss out of him, and they would never shut up. He couldn’t concentrate when people were talking. He was especially like this in the O.R. He could never understand why people were always talking in the O.R. He needed to concentrate when he was operating, because he wasn’t as skilled as that hotshot Pierce. Then, when he’d ask Pierce to let him concentrate, he’d say “could you bleed quieter” to his patient. That always made Frank want to hit him, but he knew from experience that provoking Pierce wasn’t advisable. His face still hurt when he thought about that day. Pierce knew Frank was a terrible surgeon, always rubbed his face in it, but never thought about how that made Frank feel. The reason Frank wasn’t a very skilled surgeon was because all the people at medical school took the piss out of him, never let him concentrate on his studies. He wasn’t that bright. He needed all the time he could to study, but he never had it. In the end he bought the answers to the exam. Then he felt like a fucking fraud. The only reason he ended up marrying his wife was because his mother was always nagging him to marry someone rich, give her and his father grandchildren. It’s not like he was ever going to make something of himself on his own. He was too stupid for that. He did end up having children, two sons and a daughter, but from early on they didn’t really like him.

Even his own children didn’t like him.

So here he was, on the other side of the stinking world, and everyone here hated him. Even Margaret. He thought Margaret loved him, but it turned out that she hadn’t. No matter what he did, no one had any sympathy for him.

He’d asked Colonel Potter to allow him to go for a walk. The old goat said that since it was a slow day, he could spare him. Frank knew that he probably could have spared him on a heavy day, but decided not to say so, for fear that Potter would agree. As he walked out of the compound, he thought that, with some luck, maybe he’d get captured as a P.O.W. Maybe they’d treat him better, he thought, but instantly dismissed it. No one ever treated him any different, except that janitor.

Just when he decided that he should head back to the M*A*S*H, he heard a faint crying. At first he thought he was imagining it, but then he heard it again. He looked around, and then he saw a shape under a tree. As he got closer, he saw that it was a Korean girl, about five. The same age as his daughter. He got closer, and saw that her dress was stained red around her chest.  
“Oh God...” he said. He was about to go and pick her up, then he realised that she might be booby-trapped. Everywhere he had ever been, people had been out to get him. Why should this be any different?  
“If I leave her, then I won’t die, but she will. If I pick her up, we could both die. What do I do?” he muttered to himself. Finally, he screwed up his courage, went over to her, and picked her up, expecting her to blow up. But she didn’t. Realising this, Frank Burns took off running to the camp.

Hunnicutt operated on the little girl. Frank had asked him to, because he knew that if he operated on her, due to his stupidity, he would probably kill her. When Hunnicutt came out of the O.R, Frank asked him “How is she?”  
“Well, she lost a lot of blood, but I think she’s going to be okay,” he replied. At that, Frank thanked B.J, and walked off.  
Later, while Frank was walking past the Swamp, feeling pleased with himself, he overheard Pierce and Hunnicutt talking about him.  
“Why do you think Ferret-Face cared so much about her? He hates Koreans,” Pierce said.  
“Come on, Hawk,” Hunnicutt replied. “Even a bastard like Frank Burns has to do one good thing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Frank Burns was a comic character when the show first started, like everyone else. However, everyone else grew up, which wasn't fair on Larry Linville, who played him. I wish the writers had developed him more, and this story is based on the glimpses that Larry showed on Frank's background.


End file.
